The Interview Process

Oatmeal Contributions

2011-02-14T15:53:00.000-08:00

Valuable contributions by The Oatmeal:

The 6 Crappiest Interview Questions

The 10 Types of Crappy Interviewees

I Believe I Can Add Value.ppt

2010-04-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

What to say at the job interview:

I Believe I Can Add Value.ppt

I believe I can add value to this narrative.
Outcomes is what I am all about.
To maximize momentum going forward:
My overlay is positively focussed.

An evolution and a revolution,
Synthesis and synergy, best practice,
Inspiring and achieving co-fulfillment,
Insightful oversight of the transition.

The underpinnings: urgent re-appraisal,
Stakeholders to negotiate consensus;
Compliant with the overarching framework,
Conciliating conflicts and constraints.

Within the broad environmental context,
Responsiveness within a range of interests,
Initiate utility assessment,
A strategically potentiating nexus.

Enhance emancipationist expression,
Nurturing concordant innovation,
Discriminating reinterpretation,
Enabling and empowering transactions.

A re-evaluation of the mindset,
A shift in paradigm, a cold reboot,
Explanatory and normative reduction,
Restructuring, repurposing, results.

Antidiscrimination Policy

2009-04-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

Don't worry about your ability,
You can do you what you like about sex,
So you suffer diminished motility,
So we're all of us more or less wrecks.

Your color, your race? Immaterial
Your DNA? That's your affair.
A virus? Diseases bacterial?
When or where you were born? We don't care.

You don't speak, read or write in the lingo,
Your fashion sense? Far from the norm,
Your manners are those of a dingo,
We'd hate you to have to conform.

Your crazy religious alignment?
Your political orientation?
Your recent escape from confinement?
We do not practice dis-crimination.

We're committed to fair opportunity,
There is no one forbidden to join,
It's a heterogeneous community,
We don't screen you, we just flip a coin.

Why Did You Leave Your Last Job?

2009-04-07T00:48:00.001-07:00

So why did you leave your last job?
Look, that whole thing was a total misunderstanding.
What whole thing?
I just saw the link and clicked on it, you know? I was totally looking up job-related information and the one time I click on an off-topic link the boss is looking over my shoulder. That woman was like a vampire. She'd just appear out of nowhere.
What link?
I'm looking for data on RTLS, you know, Real Time Location Systems, to clarify a work-related issue, and there's an article about an application in a hospital, you know, hospital equipment, they track it and they don't have to rent so many infusion pumps or defibrillators, like they save thousands. It's totally boring but really important. Anyway this is some journal with a list of the articles in the panel on the side and one of them is about treating children with dwarfism, best and worst strategies, and you know, I'm intrigued. If I was treating a dwarf, specially a child, I wouldn't want to do the wrong thing. So I click on it.
Your boss fired you for that?
Well, no, I was looking at this article and it makes me think how little I know about dwarfs. You know Gimli and Gloin, I've read about them but what do I actually know about them? Small but doughty, that's all. I'm almost feeling guilty because there's this whole forgotten minority and I feel like I need to know right then and there. And that's what the Internet is for, like this whole enabling technology, the greatest revolution in information since Gutenberg, maybe bigger, you know?
Well, sure.
So I just searched for dwarfs.
You searched for dwarfs.
And you know what I'm going to say, you wouldn't believe how much dwarf porn there is out there. And you think what could there possibly be in this stuff that would interest anybody? What do they see in it? It's like a whole field of psychology, of anthropology, where we don't have the answers, you know? There's so little we truly understand about ourselves.
Yes, I see.
So I clicked on one of the links.
Yes.
And that's when the boss shows up.
Yes.
Could have happened to anybody.
Fine. Well, do you have any questions for us?

No Experience Required

2009-02-26T15:27:00.000-08:00

What's your game, eh? You say you want this job?
Well, yes, I...
And you say you have experience?
Yes, considerable experience, years,...
Well why, in heaven's' name, would you want the job if you have so much experience?
Well, it's what I know, it's...
Bloody horrible job.
To some, perhaps...
No one wants this job.
But...you advertised it.
Well, of course, we advertised it, we need it done. Horrible as it is. But I think you'll agree that there's something pretty bloody suspicious going on when you turn up, out of the blue, claiming you've done it before and you want to do it again.

Schrodinger's Candidate

2008-08-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Like the cat, you're either alive or dead until someone opens the box. There's that brief period after the interview, when, if it you haven't been escorted out by security, you don't really know. A happy period, but a tense one. Life holds possibility, some of it bad. The phone rings and your heart rate rises even higher than it usually does. It's actually a kind of relief when it turns out to be a relative just wanting to borrow money. Or wanting the money back that you borrowed.

Quantum physics has more to offer on the interview process, however. Central to the job interview is the point that the observer affects the outcome of the experiment. No interview question can be asked without adding to the experience of the interviewee. Just sitting in the interview space, looking at the interviewers, has changed the interviewee.

Consider what this means if the interviewer asks the candidate a question that surprises and shocks. What is this experiment observing? The character of the candidate, or the character of the interviewer?

Interview Questions

2008-08-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

There's a species of interview question that is all too prevalent. The question makes no sense as a question, but it is intended to bring out interesting revelations from the candidate.

What do you love about Quality Assurance?

Where do you see yourself in two years?

What was your worst team experience?

It's obvious enough on the surface that these questions are potentially a trap.

You can't very well say "Nothing", "Elsewhere", or "I refuse to answer on the grounds it may incriminate me" to these questions.

One approach might be to reinterpret as one or more other questions, and explicitly answer those.
"What do I find interesting and challenging about Quality Assurance? Well, this... and that..."

or

"Am I committed to my work? Do I feel strongly about doing a good job? Yes, I do..."

You can simply assume that they do not want to know what you find erotic about Quality Assurance. You could be wrong.

Another approach is to keep a straight face and pretend it was a sensible question which you are answering at face value. This is similar to the reinterpretation approach but you keep it a secret how you are reinterpreting the question.

In either case, you work out the question you think they want answered, and try to give them the answer they want.

The first approach is more honorable. You are not keeping any secrets, and you are open about what you believe you are discussing.

But while you might be able to save yourself some honour by wriggling out of pretending to answer the original question, asking it carries implications about the corporate culture, which you eventually have to face.

The first and most obvious implication is that they are not straightforward. They are not asking the question to which they want the answer. There are further implications to this: they do not trust you to answer a straightforward question. They prefer to work by manipulation than by a direct appeal.

There is an implied irreverence for language. Love is an important word, used for special reasons. This is a casual usage. Using it in this context subverts it. There are Orwellian undertones here.

There is an implication that they expect you to be passionate about your work. Love being a word used by consenting adults in private, there is an implication that your work is expected to be of at least equal importance to your private life.

It isn't possible to guess what all the implications are and which implications, if any, are intended. When people move away from direct communication, it's not easy to know what they are talking about. You can ask them, or you can take the question as an invitation to perform. Asking the question shifts the interview away from open communication towards a performance or a sparring match. The interviewer is holding a hoop for the candidate to jump through.

There's a sly cleverness about whoever invented these questions, but those using them secondhand can't even claim creativity.

Asking this kind of interview question creates a bad impression of the corporate culture and of the interviewer. If a company cares about this impression, it might be a good idea to remove these from the agenda.

If you encounter this kind of question, try not to be swamped by implications. Specifying a reinterpreted question and answering that may be the most straightforward response. Show your working. The question has muddied the waters. It's up to you to clarify them. You don't want them to lose track of what question you think you are answering.

Synopsis - Get a Job

2008-08-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

A person goes through a series of unsuccessful job interviews. Eventually she seeks help from an online group. They discuss the strategies of interview at a sophisticated level.
Finally she goes into an interview equipped with electronic surveillance devices and instant access to online information and the full resources of her support group.

We discover that the interviewers too have a hidden agenda. They are in communication with support groups of their own. The watchers comment on howwell the interviewee is playing the game, murmur appreciatively at well executed moves, and suggest questions and answers to the interviewer.

The interviewer support group and interview support group deduce each other's existence from the sophistication of the interview. It becomes a battle between the two groups, with the interviewer and interviewee as champions.

At last the interviewer group devises a murderously difficult interview question. The tension builds as the interview support group mobilises to answer it. The Internet crashes under the weight of the interview question.
The power grid goes out. The interviewee is left alone, in the darkness. She answers the question brilliantly.

The lights come back on. The interviewer support group enters, jubilant, clapping the interviewee on the shoulder, dancing with glee. They offer the interviewee a job other than the one for which she was being interviewed.

She is to become a job interviewer.

What Interview is That?

2008-08-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

There are different styles of interview.

The Interrogation
The Date
The Sale
The Transaction
The Match

Your job is to figure out what style of interview you are in very quickly.

The Interrogation

The police interrogation style is conducted in an atmosphere of hostility. It
is designed to trip you up and get you to contradict yourself. They assume
you are lying to them. The interview is about deception.

This job interview is not a conversation. It is not a free exchange of views.
You do not want them to like you for yourself. You want to fool them into
thinking you are legit.
Do not reveal anything more than necessary. Anything you say may be taken
down and used in evidence against you. However it may harm your defence if
you do not volunteer information that you later rely on in court.

A question is designed as a probe to reveal something about you other than
what was asked. Work out what the real question is and answer that.

Never say "What? You think I killed her?"

The Date

The date style interview is conducted in an atmosphere of awkwardness and
anticipation. You both want this to be the one. You're both nervous. The
interview is about reassurance.

Whatever they say, you say, "Oh, I know."

Never say "Yes, you look fat in that."

The Sale

The sales style interview is conducted in an atmosphere of strained bonhomie and
mutual flattery. They want you, you want them, both sides believe they will
profit from the deal. Each side paints a picture of a world that satisfies
the aspirations the other is assumed to have. The interview is about
self-deception.

You talk about them. See, you look like the kind of company that recognises
quality when it sees it. I admire that kind of perceptiveness.

Never say "Do you want to buy it or not?"

The Transaction

The simple transaction is conducted in an atmosphere of profound pragmatism. The interview is about satisfying immediate needs.

You stand around in pink hot pants. The client winds down a window and says how much? You name a fair price. The client says hop in.

Never say "Sorry, I've got a headache."

The Match

The match is conducted in an atmosphere of competitiveness. There may well be testosterone involved.

They ask a question. You bat it back. They bat it straight back at you. Don't confuse this with banter. This game is not for the fun of it.

The main question is whether you should let them win. Usually the answer is yes, but after a decent fight.

Never say "I give up. You win."

Quiz

Identify the following interview styles:

One of them is nice, and the other is nasty.
"So... what's your sign?"
They shine a light in your face.
"We need someone dynamic, thrusting, passionate."
They sit you on one side. They all line up on the other side.
"Over to you."
They ask you the same questions over and over again.
"Oh, I love Jane Austen."
"How much?"
There's a big mirror on the wall and occasionally they look at it and shake their heads disgustedly.
"Phew. You almost had me there."
"That's an impressive CV. What do you look for in an employer?"

What Do You Love About Quality Assurance

2008-08-07T17:11:00.001-07:00

2008-07-28

What do I love about what you just said?
I love to help those who are living in dread,
To show them the sunlight, to send them a sign,
To shine in the darkness the joy that is mine.

To take what is old and to render it fresh,
Designing a framework then giving it flesh,
To show in the light what obscurity hid,
To stand back in triumph and see what I did.

I love to see chaos untangle at last,
And slow and unsure become certain and fast,
To tease out the thread that is golden and true,
To know there is hope and to prove it anew.

I love recognition that lights up a face,
I love how the heart pounds before the big race,
I love solving puzzles, and knowing I'll win,
I'm crazy in love with the business I'm in.

Introduction

2008-08-07T17:05:00.001-07:00

This blog is dedicated to those in quest of a job. To keep up the struggle, to maintain the basic dignity which is the right of all people everywhere, there must be a place of respite; a place to pause in contemplation, to share war stories, to gather strength for the time to come. This is that place.